Autumn, that time of the year that invites you to take out the blanket, light candles and have a serious relationship… because you know: the ‘cuffing season’ is here. That time of year when the cold weather invites you to look for companionship more than anything else. But do we really want a relationship just because the temperatures drop and the idea of being alone becomes an almost tangible discomfort? It’s funny how social expectations remain the same: autumn is the ideal time to find someone, ‘commit’ and live a kind of romantic fairytale. But how many of us are actually looking for real connection, and how many of us are simply looking to escape our own loneliness?
The truth is that ‘cuffing season’ has become a cultural obsession. The idea was coined in the early 2010s, when people began to see the colder months as an almost obligatory period for finding a partner. It’s as if autumn puts everyone in hook-up mode. But what if I told you that the data says the opposite? Break-ups peak just before Christmas, with over 25% of singles splitting up in September (not to mention dating apps seeing a 34% increase in new users during those first few weeks of the month). So what’s going on, why are we still pining for what, it seems, many are shedding?
The truth is that the concept of ‘cuffing season’ was cemented around 2011, when Urban Dictionary first defined it as that space where those who generally prefer to be single suddenly feel compelled to join the serious relationship club, probably because the cold and loneliness of winter has us looking for more than just a Tinder match. In 2017, Collins Dictionary even included it among its words of the year. The truth is, there’s something both magical and toxic about the season – who doesn’t want to find someone to cuddle up with as the cold starts to set in and the leaves start to fall?
And of course, there’s some biology involved. According to psychologist Marisa Cohen, cold weather affects our testosterone and serotonin levels, and of course, the result is none other than wanting to find someone to share not just the sheets with, but a bit of that sense of emotional stability that winter takes away. But is that need really what we’re looking for? Because, ironically, the same pressures that drive us to want a relationship are also what cause relationships to fall apart at the end of the summer season. It’s as if autumn is not only a season for starting something new, but also for re-evaluating what’s working… and what’s not.
At heart, ‘cuffing season’ seems more like a collective illusion. A fantasy fuelled by memes and social expectations, where everyone seems to seek the warmth of a partner without even knowing why. With the arrival of cold weather, our vulnerability comes to the surface: the summer light fades, social activities dwindle and loneliness starts to become more palpable. It is then that many feel they must ‘cling’ to something, as if a relationship can fill that space of uncertainty, that emptiness that arises when expectations do not align with reality. So, this season, the question remains the same: Do we seek him or her out to make it through the cold months or simply because it is expected?
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