We live in an age where the instantaneous seems to have displaced the authentic. In the emotional realm, this logic manifests itself in men who rush into relationships, project future commitments, and just when everything seems to be taking shape… they disappear. Without a word. Without saying goodbye.
It’s not that ghosting is new. What has changed is its prelude. It’s no longer simply a gradual cooling off or an obvious disconnection. Today, many men choose to emotionally overload the relationship just before fleeing. They introduce you to their friends. They promise you trips. They talk to you about children. They tell you they’ve never felt this way before. And then, silence.
This phenomenon—as baffling as it is common—has been parodied on social media by creators such as Jean-Luc Lukunku. What began as satire quickly became a collective mirror. ‘The crazy thing is how many people say, “That happened to me exactly,”’ he says. Because yes, it has become a constant: sharing an intimate moment, making plans for the future, and then cutting all ties as if nothing had happened.
What is really going on behind these disappearances? How is it possible that such a powerful emotional connection can dissolve without explanation?
Between emotional impulse and emotional avoidance
According to Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at Seeking, it is often not a premeditated lie, but a real emotion that cannot be sustained. ‘When a guy tells us that we are amazing, that he sees a future with us, or that he has never felt this way before, he may not be lying. They could be emotionally impulsive.’
In other words, what we perceive as manipulation may be, in part, an emotional inability to process the depth that has been generated. When the relationship begins to take on real weight, those with an avoidant attachment style are confronted with their greatest fear: losing their autonomy, control or ‘game’.
Between emotional impulse and emotional avoidance
According to Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at Seeking, it is often not a premeditated lie, but a real emotion that cannot be sustained. ‘When a guy tells us that we are amazing, that he sees a future with us, or that he has never felt this way before, he may not be lying. They could be emotionally impulsive.’
In other words, what we perceive as manipulation may be, in part, an emotional inability to process the depth that has been generated. When the relationship begins to take on real weight, those with an avoidant attachment style are confronted with their greatest fear: losing their autonomy, control or ‘game’.
And in a culture that romanticises detachment, where showing genuine interest is perceived as weakness, running away becomes the easy option. ‘As soon as we show anything resembling real emotion, many choose to fade away rather than have an honest conversation,’ adds Hathorn.
But there is something even deeper at play. Psychology suggests that this type of expressive love bombing has a narcissistic component, although it is not always conscious. ‘Telling someone how special they are, projecting intimacy, talking about the future… all of that makes us feel powerful, desirable, even necessary,’ says Hathorn.
Hathorn insists that ghosting is not a consequence of who you are, but a reflection of what the other person cannot face. Even so, we can learn to detect signs. One of the clearest? Futuring: talking about plans that are too big too soon. Promises of travel, cohabitation, ‘forever’ on the second date. ‘They don’t usually have any real intention. It’s just an emotional sell,’ she says.
Other red flags: empty compliments without knowing who you really are, inconsistent communication, or intense gestures that don’t last over time. ‘If one day the conversation seems magical and the next you feel emotionally broken, you’re probably not dealing with a healthy connection, but emotional manipulation.’
When someone disappears without explanation, the wound goes beyond silence. It is the loss of meaning, self-questioning, the emptiness of a narrative without closure. But it is worth repeating: ghosting is not a response to what you did. It is a reaction to what the other person cannot handle.
And those who choose to remain silent instead of speaking, to flee instead of confronting, to pretend instead of building, are not ready to share a real bond. They are not someone you want to stay with, no matter how much they promised to stay with you. Because in the end, promises without actions are nothing. And you deserve better.
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